Jocko Podcast 30 with Echo Charles - Losing your Temper w/Your Wife | Mental Shutdown

2016-07-06T07:12:52Z

Join the conversation on Twitter: @jockowillink @echocharles 0:00:00 - Opening / Onnit.com/jocko 0:01:41 - The Aide-de-Camp Position, what it entails, and Jocko's experience. 0:17:14 - Martial Arts for a wheelchair user. 0:26:25 - Countering mental shut-down from being overwhelmed. 0:29:09 - Techniques for NOT losing your temper with your Wife. 0:46:51 - Balancing loyalty to co-workers/team-mates and career promotion 0:57:10 - Are there benefits to Team-building exercises and Retreats? 1:08:47 - Things Jocko regrets, would have done differently, or wishes he learned sooner.

AI summary of episode

It would make me, well, I'd be like, no, we have to go to, it's like, you know, if you have like, fucking, like a splinter, like you have a splinter in your hand or something, not talking about it is like, I just leave it. Is it ever viewed by, by people, whatever that job is like, kind of emasculating or something because you're like, like, like an assistant more so than, you know, I don't know. And you know, there was times where we talked directly, you know, he called me up and say, hey, what's going on, or you know, after my guy's got killed, he called me up directly. And only under these circumstances, not when you, when I say, hey, do you need, I don't know milk from the store, you say no, I know you mean, yeah, you know, it doesn't work like that. It was like almost like a pride thing, you know, where I would even if I really felt like doing something or whatever, if it indicated, overtly that I had a low self esteem, if I didn't, I wouldn't do it. I'm going different places, going to the Pentagon, going to visit outstations, going overseas, going just constantly going on travel and visiting people and visiting troops. So if you're, you know, like if you don't have legs like Max, for example, like you can learn a lot of stuff that is just defensive. And basically, you know, like how they make the sausage, you revert that term, you know, they say when they make sausage, that you'll eat the sausage, it tastes good, but you don't want to see how they make it. I, I try it would try to do it in a conducive way, like, you know, like, a problem solving kind of way. And then every time, even Tim Kennedy, when we asked him, oh, or one of the questions was like, hey, how do you, you know, reconcile, you know, being happier, anything that when you see so much darkness. You know, so you're not going to be like, okay, I'm going to learn these martial arts. I didn't know that, you know, that, like, this guy, that person. But I think, you know, sometimes some of us can go into jobs and be like, you know, I'm a leader, I'm not a helper. And he's so like I said, like if you're, like your disadvantage is pretty big, just understand what your goals will be in a potential self-defense situation. And I was like, hey, first, you know, first couple of times, I was like, oh, it's fine with her. She just wants to, I don't know, go to bed, you know, meanwhile, I am with the philosophy of don't go to bed in an argument or whatever, you know. The people that actually in the scary thing is that people that volunteer and want to have that job are usually the guys, the animals don't want, because that's a guy that's like focused on advancing his career. I don't want to, I'm, if Sarah's yelling at me, hey, you're going too slow, I'm going to be like, okay, how fast you want me to go? Like, because, you know, if you're like, oh, hey, well, he doesn't take it so hard. And, you know, ultimately, I still feel like if two people are willing to talk it out kind of without too much emotion, I think that's an effective way to do it.

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Episode transcript

[00:00:00] This is Jocco podcast number 30.
[00:00:04] With that go Charles and me, Jocco Willink.
[00:00:10] And what we have this evening is straight Q&A, the last podcast that we did on the outstanding book
[00:00:22] called Boutoon Leader, a memoir of combat, of command in combat.
[00:00:28] It just took me a long time to get through.
[00:00:32] It's just a good book.
[00:00:35] And I just kept every time every page, I read it, I've got people got to hear that.
[00:00:42] People got to hear that.
[00:00:43] People got to hear that.
[00:00:44] The next thing you know, you're two and a half hours deep.
[00:00:48] And since so much of it was pertain to leadership, there was commentary with each section.
[00:00:54] And it was like, oh yeah, you know, this is what's going on here.
[00:00:56] And I recognize that and I wish I would have known that and that could have helped me here.
[00:01:01] So it went a little long.
[00:01:05] And that made us decide to just go ahead and turn that into one podcast.
[00:01:13] And now here we are coming back at you with a podcast number 30, which is straight Q&A.
[00:01:21] Yeah, there wasn't really one part of that book review that I was like, oh, you could have left that out.
[00:01:25] No, in the industry, we call that getting after.
[00:01:31] Indeed.
[00:01:32] So let's, let's take into some Q&A here.
[00:01:36] Some questions that we've been asked.
[00:01:39] You going to kick this one off?
[00:01:40] Yes, sir.
[00:01:41] Ego Drone.
[00:01:42] Yes, sir.
[00:01:43] Question number one.
[00:01:44] First question.
[00:01:45] Jocco, as an aid decamp, what were your duties?
[00:01:50] What did you learn?
[00:01:52] And why does that position still exist in the 21st century military?
[00:01:56] Well, the aid decamp.
[00:01:58] Okay, so first of all, an aid decamp is something in the military that it's only also
[00:02:05] to put it in a very simple way that people could understand it from.
[00:02:11] It's an assistant.
[00:02:12] It's like an executive assistant where, for me, I was, I was the admiral that's in charge
[00:02:19] of all the seals.
[00:02:22] I was his assistant.
[00:02:24] You know, that's what an aid decamp is.
[00:02:26] Now, the question is why does that position still exist or what, you know, what did you learn
[00:02:33] while I learned a ton?
[00:02:35] No doubt about that.
[00:02:36] Why does the position still exist?
[00:02:37] I think it's absolutely necessary.
[00:02:39] It's not fun.
[00:02:40] It's not a fun job.
[00:02:42] And I work for a great guy.
[00:02:44] But if you're working for something that's not a great guy, it's miserable.
[00:02:47] And even working for a great guy, it's not exactly the dream job.
[00:02:51] It wasn't for me.
[00:02:52] So here's what you do.
[00:02:55] The boss, which is what we call, this is what we called the admiral.
[00:02:59] We called him the boss, right?
[00:03:01] So what we did was what I did was the boss is always traveling.
[00:03:06] I'm going different places, going to the Pentagon, going to visit outstations, going overseas,
[00:03:11] going just constantly going on travel and visiting people and visiting troops.
[00:03:15] And so I was the guy that set up that travel.
[00:03:20] That's what I did.
[00:03:21] And then, you know, communicating with whatever you're going to visit.
[00:03:25] Like, hey, the admiral's coming in.
[00:03:27] You know, what do you want us to do?
[00:03:29] Is there anything we need to be had?
[00:03:30] Zupon.
[00:03:31] So we take care of all that and set it up and make sure that the travel smooth.
[00:03:37] Because he's a really busy guy.
[00:03:38] It's like a CEO.
[00:03:39] He's like the CEO of a big giant, powerful worldwide company.
[00:03:44] That's what he is.
[00:03:45] And so you're trying to make the most of his time, make sure not wasting his time during
[00:03:49] travel.
[00:03:50] And so that's what I did.
[00:03:52] So that's part of it.
[00:03:53] And the other piece that's cool is you're kind of like an attrusted advisor or you
[00:04:02] try and build the trust so that he trust you.
[00:04:04] And they they usually, in our case, usually often try to find guys that come back from
[00:04:09] the front lines and use them as the aid.
[00:04:15] So I had when I became the aid, it was actually my commanding officer.
[00:04:20] He, who's a friend of mine and who's a great guy that always took care of me.
[00:04:27] And he told me he said, hey, my final mission as the commanding officer of Seal Team 7 is
[00:04:34] to make sure that you become the aid to the admiral.
[00:04:39] And you know, I wasn't happy about it.
[00:04:41] Because again, it's an administrative job.
[00:04:45] It's you have to wear uniform every day.
[00:04:47] Which was this 2005.
[00:04:52] And but it was, it was a good call that the that my commanding officer may be going to do
[00:04:59] it because I did learn a ton.
[00:05:01] You know, you, you, I've been in the micro world of being a seal platoon for my whole life.
[00:05:07] Right.
[00:05:08] So that's all I did.
[00:05:09] So you had to know anything else.
[00:05:10] I didn't understand anything else.
[00:05:12] So when you go off a Sunday, you're dealing with not only do you see the big picture of
[00:05:15] the seal teams, but I saw the big picture of the army and the special operations command.
[00:05:20] And big navy, like the regular navy, we interacted with them a lot.
[00:05:23] So I got to learn a ton.
[00:05:25] I learned a ton about what?
[00:05:27] I learned it's sort of like seeing behind the curtain.
[00:05:31] You know, you get to see behind the curtain of the wizard and what's going on in the chambers.
[00:05:36] And basically, you know, like how they make the sausage, you revert that term, you know,
[00:05:41] they say when they make sausage, that you'll eat the sausage, it tastes good, but you
[00:05:45] don't want to see how they make it.
[00:05:47] So that's I got to see how they make the sausage.
[00:05:49] I got to see behind the curtain.
[00:05:51] And I learned a ton of that, you know, I got to sit like there was meetings that I would
[00:05:56] sit in super high level meetings with very powerful people in the meetings.
[00:06:01] And I would just be sitting there listening and seeing how these judgments were being made.
[00:06:06] And assessing the leadership and seeing what type of leaders we had at the highest levels
[00:06:11] of the Pentagon.
[00:06:13] And as I was pretty, it was pretty interesting.
[00:06:16] And I definitely learned a lot.
[00:06:18] It was not fun because like I said, there was a ton of travel.
[00:06:24] You're wearing a uniform all the time, which seals are pretty well known for not wanting
[00:06:32] to wear uniforms, real uniforms.
[00:06:34] And there I'd probably worn a uniform, a very small number of times.
[00:06:39] I'm talking to my whole naval career, a dress uniform.
[00:06:42] I'd probably worn one 15 times.
[00:06:47] I don't know the number, but it's a tiny number.
[00:06:50] And I was on the mat, working for the Admiral.
[00:06:52] I'm wearing a uniform every single day.
[00:06:54] And there were sometimes we'd go on a trip and I'd have to wear, if there's multiple
[00:06:57] different dress uniforms in the Navy and most of the services, we'd go on some
[00:07:01] board I'd have to bring two or three different dress uniforms.
[00:07:06] So my uniforms were always ready.
[00:07:07] That was one thing that not too many people could claim as you get really good at your
[00:07:11] uniforms.
[00:07:15] But there's also some things that are pretty restrictive.
[00:07:17] For instance, you're actually not allowed to do personal favors for the boss.
[00:07:27] Like I wasn't allowed.
[00:07:29] Is this idea, because they're very cautious that the military senior people might abuse
[00:07:34] people in the military?
[00:07:36] And like I wasn't allowed, for instance, I wasn't allowed to go pick up his laundry.
[00:07:43] Like if you got his uniforms pressed and clean, I wasn't allowed to go and run to the
[00:07:49] store and pick it up if we were going on a trip or something.
[00:07:51] Like it wasn't allowed to do it.
[00:07:53] We weren't allowed to fly first class.
[00:07:55] If there was only one time we flew first class, that was when we get upgrades after
[00:08:01] a while because we were traveling so much.
[00:08:03] But so both you guys couldn't, or just the AD camp.
[00:08:08] No, neither one of us.
[00:08:10] We wouldn't fly first class.
[00:08:12] Yeah, it's the military sort of, you know, we don't want to, they don't want to
[00:08:19] be fraudwaste in abuse.
[00:08:21] Which is actually ridiculous.
[00:08:22] This guy's the equivalent of a CEO of a big company.
[00:08:25] And they wouldn't get the guy first class to get stuff fly from San Diego to Washington,
[00:08:29] DC to go to the Pentagon and brief some senior government's leadership.
[00:08:33] Yeah, fully, that's a good philosophy.
[00:08:34] They don't waste.
[00:08:35] Yeah, I know it's a good philosophy, but they should have, I think he'd earn at that point.
[00:08:40] Right.
[00:08:41] 30 something years in the Navy.
[00:08:43] Yeah, for that service, country and just be, you know, hey, you know what, this guy
[00:08:47] should be well rested when he shows up to brief Congress.
[00:08:50] Yeah.
[00:08:51] You know, so that was that. And then the reason I think it's necessary again is because
[00:08:56] you got you take a guy, you know, the, the, the admiral, they're, they're not going to
[00:09:01] usually, you're often may not have been in recent combat situations.
[00:09:06] And so this aide that's coming in, he's coming off the battlefield.
[00:09:09] So he can say, hey, so he was going on here.
[00:09:10] Hey, sir, this is what this is like, hey, sir, this is some gear that we need up on the
[00:09:14] front lines.
[00:09:15] Hey, sir, this is what the front line troopers think about this program that we're doing,
[00:09:19] or this rule that's being imposed upon us, we need to change this.
[00:09:24] So we need to get it fixed.
[00:09:26] So I had a great relationship with with with the boss when I was running that job.
[00:09:29] And it was very beneficial for me on my next appointment when I deployed Ramani.
[00:09:35] And I knew the admiral.
[00:09:36] Mm-hmm.
[00:09:37] I mean, it was, you know, he's the guy that's in charge of all seals.
[00:09:41] And there I was in Ramani.
[00:09:43] And you know, there was times where we talked directly, you know,
[00:09:48] he called me up and say, hey, what's going on, or you know, after my guy's got killed,
[00:09:54] he called me up directly.
[00:09:56] And that really meant a lot to me.
[00:09:59] And I think he meant a lot to him too, because he had a connection with the guys that were
[00:10:03] out there, because he knew me and knew, you know, knew me well.
[00:10:07] So I think that was, I think I was very important.
[00:10:10] And I think it's a, it's a good job.
[00:10:12] I'm not going to say you're going to like it.
[00:10:14] If there's troopers out there that are up for that job, you're not going to like it.
[00:10:18] If you're, if you're a hard-court, get an after kind of guy, you're not going to like the job.
[00:10:23] The people that actually in the scary thing is that people that volunteer and want to have
[00:10:27] that job are usually the guys, the animals don't want, because that's a guy that's like
[00:10:30] focused on advancing his career.
[00:10:32] And hey, if I'm coming, coming in aid, then I'll know the admiral.
[00:10:35] And so you're not going to, those of the guys, the admiral's actually, at least the admiral
[00:10:38] I work for, he didn't want any guys like that.
[00:10:40] He wanted guys that were going to say, oh, I, I want a guy that's going to come kicking and
[00:10:44] screaming to this job.
[00:10:45] Yeah.
[00:10:46] Because he doesn't want to, it's where it uniform.
[00:10:50] He wants to be in the field.
[00:10:51] I want to be in the field.
[00:10:52] So that's kind of the AD camp.
[00:10:55] So if there's a trooper out there that's going to get pushed in that position, you know,
[00:10:59] you might have to do it.
[00:11:01] And, and when you do it, you do the best that you can.
[00:11:05] When, when the guy that took over for me, he said, because I was, you know, I was, I've
[00:11:13] always been early to work.
[00:11:14] Well, when I was working for the boss, I was even earlier because this is, you know, I've felt
[00:11:18] this, this responsibility that, you know, I got to take care of this guy.
[00:11:21] He's taking care of all the seals.
[00:11:22] I got to take care of him.
[00:11:23] Right?
[00:11:24] This guy, the more the easier I make his job, the easier I make his life, the more he can
[00:11:29] focus on taking care of all the guys that are in the field and all the seals.
[00:11:34] And so when I, I was get show up even earlier than I would normally show up and I was
[00:11:39] double in triple in quadruple check everything that was going on.
[00:11:43] And when the guy came, it to relieve me and take my place.
[00:11:48] And he said, he said, you know, hey, how does the, how does the boss react if you drop
[00:11:54] the ball on something?
[00:11:57] And I said, I don't know.
[00:12:00] I don't know.
[00:12:01] I, I didn't drop the ball.
[00:12:03] I mean, that's, that was, you know, a lot of luck involved.
[00:12:06] And I had some, some other guys that were with me that really helped me out, you know,
[00:12:11] one guy in particular is a civilian guy that is, is steady, works, there has always worked
[00:12:16] there and worked there for a long time and he was always covered in my tracks and helped
[00:12:19] me not drop the ball, but he, I never dropped the ball.
[00:12:23] You know, it's kind of a good answer to that question.
[00:12:26] Like, because, you know, if you're like, oh, hey, well, he doesn't take it so hard.
[00:12:30] Almost like the might plant something in his mind where it may not be as important every
[00:12:34] single time or something.
[00:12:35] That's important every time you can't drop the ball.
[00:12:37] Yes.
[00:12:38] You gotta keep it going.
[00:12:42] Is it ever viewed by, by people, whatever that job is like, kind of emasculating or something
[00:12:44] because you're like, like, like an assistant more so than, you know, I don't know.
[00:12:49] I maybe, maybe somebody views it that way.
[00:12:51] Yeah.
[00:12:52] You know, I will, I will military guy that got tasked with a job to take care of the senior
[00:12:56] seal officer and keep his day moving so that he can take care of the troops.
[00:13:01] I don't, I think that's beneficial.
[00:13:03] I, right?
[00:13:04] I didn't, I didn't feel that way.
[00:13:05] The other thing is you're not, like I said, you're not allowed to do certain things.
[00:13:09] Well, you're not allowed to do personal things form and even, and the guy that I work for
[00:13:17] was very laid back and, I mean, and part of the reason he was laid back was because I never
[00:13:23] dropped the ball from him.
[00:13:24] I wouldn't want to drop the ball because I'm sure he would be angry.
[00:13:28] Yeah.
[00:13:29] But, yeah, it wasn't a bad job.
[00:13:32] Yeah.
[00:13:33] But, I would think if you understand the value of the job, really understand the value
[00:13:38] of a job, you probably will never really feel emasculator or anything.
[00:13:43] But I think, you know, sometimes some of us can go into jobs and be like, you know,
[00:13:49] I'm a leader, I'm not a helper.
[00:13:52] You know, kind of kind of attitude.
[00:13:54] Yeah.
[00:13:55] Well, it's interesting too because when you're working for the admiral, then when you speak,
[00:14:00] you kind of kind of, you kind of speak for the admiral.
[00:14:04] So in other words, when I'd go into talk to some senior captains and I said, hey, can I get
[00:14:09] a copy of XYZ?
[00:14:11] They knew it wasn't me that wanted it.
[00:14:12] They knew it was the boss that wanted it.
[00:14:14] So people are snapping too.
[00:14:15] So it was pretty, it was interesting from that perspective.
[00:14:18] You know, all the young lieutenant at the time, I'd go in and say, hey, can we get this,
[00:14:23] we need this report?
[00:14:25] And the guy's going to be like jumping to like full captains would be jumping to because
[00:14:27] they knew that it wasn't for me and they respected the boss and they wanted to help
[00:14:31] them out.
[00:14:32] So it was, you do, you get a little bit of added weight because people know, especially
[00:14:38] because people kind of knew we had a good relationship.
[00:14:41] And so they knew that if I was asking for something or I needed something or I was suggesting
[00:14:44] something, they knew where I was coming from.
[00:14:47] They knew it was coming from the big boss man.
[00:14:49] So it was kind of like, like, the executive assistant to like Oprah or something.
[00:14:55] Well, no, there you go.
[00:15:00] We're not going to talk about the person that you just talked about on this podcast.
[00:15:04] It's not happening.
[00:15:06] I gotcha.
[00:15:08] There, there.
[00:15:11] I'm just saying, you know, if you go around and you're like, hey, I need.
[00:15:17] I would say it would be the equivalent of being the executive assistant to a very powerful
[00:15:22] CEO that has a lot of stress and decisions to make and has a large global corporation.
[00:15:32] Yeah.
[00:15:33] In their under their command.
[00:15:35] Actually, that kind of reminds me of the whole flying first class thing.
[00:15:39] And I thought about this where there was a big part of me that thought, oh, yeah, a lot
[00:15:42] of guys, they'll just fly first class just because that's like a sadist thing.
[00:15:46] And like, oh, yeah, I'm this high.
[00:15:47] So I get to, you kind of live in this luxury.
[00:15:50] But flying first class eliminates a lot of stress and a lot of like decision making and
[00:15:58] headaches, you know, we're contending with certain things.
[00:16:00] Yeah.
[00:16:01] So when you arrive, you have way less on your mind.
[00:16:03] So, and that's a lot.
[00:16:06] You ever had to do something or convey some important message, but you have a lot on your
[00:16:10] mind, some other stuff.
[00:16:11] It makes it way harder.
[00:16:12] Yeah, then I just prioritize an execute.
[00:16:14] Yeah.
[00:16:15] I know, but it has its function is what I'm saying.
[00:16:19] It does.
[00:16:20] And there was the time that the literally the one time we were authorized and executed
[00:16:29] a first class travel was when we flew to Europe.
[00:16:32] And when we arrived at six o'clock in the morning, the boss or seven o'clock in the morning,
[00:16:36] the boss was talking to the troops half an hour later.
[00:16:40] And then the whole day was scheduled about talking to the local senior leadership.
[00:16:44] So he needed to be arrested when he showed up there.
[00:16:47] Now, me on the other hand, if I remember correctly, I was in the chief seat.
[00:16:52] But you don't really need that much rest.
[00:16:54] Because you're saying that.
[00:16:55] Young Lieutenant can just suck it up.
[00:16:57] Because it is pretty pathetic.
[00:16:59] We're sitting here talking about first class.
[00:17:00] Do we, you know what?
[00:17:01] Let's just talk about Bob Hoffman.
[00:17:03] Do you know what I mean?
[00:17:04] Well, war won.
[00:17:04] Trench warfare.
[00:17:05] Yeah, he used to worry about flying first class.
[00:17:08] Yeah, and he had a lot of decisions to me.
[00:17:10] Yeah.
[00:17:11] So let's just suck it up.
[00:17:12] I'm stuck it up.
[00:17:13] All right.
[00:17:14] That's a question.
[00:17:16] Marco, do you have a suggestion for Marshall Art for a wheelchair user?
[00:17:20] I'm considering FMA, just Filipino martial arts or Krav Maga.
[00:17:26] I want exercise and self defense.
[00:17:29] Well, again, this is as usual.
[00:17:36] My first suggestion for true self defense to protect yourself from the world.
[00:17:46] And the evils of the world concealed caring.
[00:17:51] You know, get a weapon or not a shoot a weapon spend time at the range train train with
[00:17:55] it is a mart.
[00:17:57] Shooting a weapon is a martial art.
[00:17:58] Carrying a weapon is a martial art.
[00:18:01] Knowing how to use that weapon in various situations, it is a martial art.
[00:18:05] So shooting is a martial art.
[00:18:08] And so that's the most effective martial art to know and to have the possession of
[00:18:15] the weapon is concealed carry weapons.
[00:18:19] So again, I'm not saying that just because this individual's in a wheelchair.
[00:18:26] Because, I mean, obviously being in a wheelchair does put you at a disadvantage.
[00:18:34] But it doesn't matter wheelchair or not.
[00:18:38] There's always going to be somebody that's bigger and better than you.
[00:18:41] And if there's not somebody that's bigger and better than you, then there's three or four
[00:18:44] people come by and together that make a person that's better than you.
[00:18:47] That's called a gang.
[00:18:49] And I will tell you right now, any three people in the world can beat anyone in the world
[00:18:57] of the night.
[00:18:58] Like three on one, you're going to lose.
[00:19:01] Oh, okay.
[00:19:02] Now, can you get a guy that knocks him or somebody out turns around?
[00:19:05] I mean, it does happen.
[00:19:06] But if people that are attacking know anything, you have a really bad chance, really
[00:19:12] bad chance of winning.
[00:19:13] It's very tough to win a fight three on one.
[00:19:16] So train with firearms, get a gun.
[00:19:20] And you know also, and you mentioned the Filipino martial arts.
[00:19:23] And I sometimes fail to mention this to carry a knife.
[00:19:28] But yeah, you should absolutely have a knife.
[00:19:30] You should know how to use it.
[00:19:32] So that is your Filipino martial arts generally, learning to use a knife and carry a knife.
[00:19:40] And then what am I going to do after that?
[00:19:43] I'm going to do the same thing I was talking about.
[00:19:45] Do you just do boxing wrestling and boy tie?
[00:19:47] Kind of in that order.
[00:19:49] Now, do you just do boxing wrestling and boy tie?
[00:19:52] We start with jujitsu.
[00:19:53] We move on to boxing.
[00:19:54] We learn wrestling and boy learn more tie.
[00:19:56] Sometimes, boy tie and wrestling, you can flip back and forth, which one you want to focus
[00:19:59] on.
[00:20:00] The deal is with all three of those.
[00:20:02] You have to adapt them to the situation that you're in.
[00:20:06] Whatever that situation is.
[00:20:08] Now, if you're in a wheelchair, I don't know what this is going to look like for you.
[00:20:11] I don't know what that looks like.
[00:20:13] You've got to learn it.
[00:20:14] You've got to understand it.
[00:20:15] You've got to make things work.
[00:20:16] You've got to figure it out.
[00:20:17] You've got to test it.
[00:20:18] You've got to see what's effective.
[00:20:19] And you've got to see what isn't effective.
[00:20:23] And you have to adapt.
[00:20:25] You have to adapt.
[00:20:26] And I've trained with all kinds of different people.
[00:20:30] And have their own obstacles to overcome.
[00:20:36] I've trained with guys that have amputees, misinone, leg, two legs, misinorms.
[00:20:43] I've trained with people that are blind.
[00:20:45] I've trained with people that are paralyzed.
[00:20:48] I've trained with people with traumatic brain injuries.
[00:20:53] And they all work and try and figure away.
[00:20:57] And they do figure ways.
[00:20:58] You've got kind of like a Kyle Manard.
[00:21:01] Do you know who that is?
[00:21:02] Yes, they do.
[00:21:03] He's got norms and no legs.
[00:21:06] And he trains due to and he wrestled in high school.
[00:21:09] He competed and he competed in due to.
[00:21:12] He's actually competed in MMA as well, which is crazy.
[00:21:17] But you know what?
[00:21:19] He adapts to the situation that he's in.
[00:21:23] And there's Anthony Robles.
[00:21:28] He's in C.D.
[00:21:30] NC.
[00:21:31] AA, 125 pound champion.
[00:21:36] Champion.
[00:21:37] And by the way, he has one leg.
[00:21:39] I mean one leg.
[00:21:40] His other leg is gone from the hip down.
[00:21:43] One leg.
[00:21:44] And he won the NC AA Championship.
[00:21:47] That's incredible.
[00:21:51] And he just did that.
[00:21:52] He got John Jacques Mishado.
[00:21:53] He's got one hand, Jeff Rial.
[00:21:56] Jeff Rial.
[00:21:57] He's trains with us.
[00:21:58] He's got one hand.
[00:22:00] His other hand's gone.
[00:22:01] He was born with no hand.
[00:22:03] Oh, guess what?
[00:22:04] Now all you just you players out there that you think about when you're doing you just
[00:22:08] with the G.
[00:22:09] And think of how much you grab.
[00:22:10] When you're trading with Jeff, you don't even know that he doesn't have a hand.
[00:22:13] He just don't even know.
[00:22:14] He just does other stuff.
[00:22:16] He's adapted to it.
[00:22:17] As a matter of fact, he uses that stomp to choke you in attack you.
[00:22:21] He gets in there.
[00:22:22] Yeah, he sneaks that thing in there.
[00:22:27] We have a max, max a million.
[00:22:29] Yeah, yeah, max right.
[00:22:31] Max, he's paralyzed.
[00:22:33] But and that's recent too.
[00:22:35] So yeah, yeah.
[00:22:36] You know, he got paralyzed.
[00:22:38] What?
[00:22:39] Three years, five or four years ago?
[00:22:40] Something like that.
[00:22:41] Yeah.
[00:22:42] He was like maybe a white belt.
[00:22:43] Maybe a bean belt.
[00:22:44] He's a blue belt.
[00:22:45] I think he's a purple now.
[00:22:46] Yeah, I think he's a purple now.
[00:22:47] But I mean, he's got basically, I think it's about sternum down.
[00:22:51] He's completely paralyzed sternum down.
[00:22:53] Yeah.
[00:22:54] And he's so he's figured out he actually has to move his legs.
[00:22:58] You know, like he, when he's when you're rolling with him, he's got to grab his legs
[00:23:00] and move him into different positions, which is crazy.
[00:23:05] But he's still training.
[00:23:06] He's advancing and he's learning to adapt.
[00:23:08] He knows how to choke you.
[00:23:10] He's figured things out.
[00:23:13] So whether you're shorter, tall, bigger, small, old, their yugs, stronger, weak,
[00:23:20] wheelchair, no wheelchair, leg, no leg, learn it, learn it all.
[00:23:27] And start with you, Jitsu, learn some boxing, some mojitai, then wrestling.
[00:23:31] And then once you get that base built up, start looking at crawvmogastar, looking at
[00:23:35] kali.
[00:23:36] So you can learn, you know, if you want to learn weapons, and obviously from the beginning,
[00:23:43] the firearm trumps everything.
[00:23:45] Yeah.
[00:23:46] Yeah, especially when you're training with, like any kind of distance,
[00:23:49] advantage or whatever, I think it's important to understand what your potential goal will
[00:23:55] be in a self-defense situation.
[00:23:57] So if you're, you know, like if you don't have legs like Max, for example, like you
[00:24:02] can learn a lot of stuff that is just defensive.
[00:24:07] And if you know Jitsu, and I'm a son like a Jitsu advocate, which I am.
[00:24:13] But if you learn Jitsu, you'll learn how to be defensive, how you can shut down another
[00:24:19] guy's attacks.
[00:24:20] And he's so like I said, like if you're, like your disadvantage is pretty big, just understand
[00:24:25] what your goals will be in a potential self-defense situation.
[00:24:30] You know, so you're not going to be like, okay, I'm going to learn these martial arts.
[00:24:34] So I can kick as much ass as I possibly can.
[00:24:37] Yeah, that's the point.
[00:24:38] The point of this is that you have to adapt.
[00:24:43] You have to adapt.
[00:24:44] You have to say, okay, this is what I'm going to do.
[00:24:46] And this is, I can't do that move, but I can do this move.
[00:24:48] And by the way, you can't do this, but I can do that.
[00:24:50] Yes.
[00:24:51] And you know, like we were just talking about Jeffrey, all the Jeffrey Alzagai trained with
[00:24:54] the most regularly out of these folks.
[00:24:56] And he has adapted and does things that you, that is totally unique to him.
[00:25:03] And he makes an event.
[00:25:04] He takes a disadvantage, turns it into an advantage.
[00:25:06] You know, yeah, there's an MMA guy who was the champ and one of these shows, I forget.
[00:25:11] I might have been bellotaur, maybe.
[00:25:13] I don't know, I forget.
[00:25:14] But he used, he had one hand too, he used the champ though.
[00:25:19] I think one, how do I know who that is?
[00:25:21] I forget his name too, but it was wild.
[00:25:23] It's like maybe a year ago or something or more.
[00:25:25] A while ago a year.
[00:25:26] And it's been around for 20 plus years.
[00:25:28] Right.
[00:25:29] But in America.
[00:25:30] The current champ is always seem so new.
[00:25:34] Yeah, that's awesome.
[00:25:36] That is definitely outstanding to see people overcome that.
[00:25:41] And in what you can do.
[00:25:44] You just gotta have that, that, that, the creative mind to get in there and adapt to the situation.
[00:25:53] Yeah.
[00:25:54] And it goes along with kind of what I think it was, I forget to.
[00:25:59] But how they say, you know, a little exercise is better than no exercise, you know?
[00:26:04] So sometimes like if you find yourself in a wheelchair or something like this, where it'll
[00:26:08] be like, oh yeah, that's not for me.
[00:26:10] But this obviously is for him.
[00:26:12] You know?
[00:26:13] And like how you say, like, learn something or learn it all, whatever.
[00:26:17] That's better than not knowing nothing.
[00:26:18] No way better too.
[00:26:20] Yeah, this.
[00:26:21] Especially that.
[00:26:22] Especially that.
[00:26:23] Yeah.
[00:26:24] Good.
[00:26:25] Good after it.
[00:26:26] That's it.
[00:26:27] Next question.
[00:26:28] Jockel.
[00:26:29] Mr. Jockel.
[00:26:31] Whenever I get mentally overwhelmed, I shut down completely.
[00:26:35] How do I counter that?
[00:26:37] Well, the first thing and the first good step that you've already made is you've identified
[00:26:43] this is an issue.
[00:26:44] You recognize the fact that you shut down.
[00:26:46] That's step number one in solving your problems identifying your problem.
[00:26:49] So excellent work there.
[00:26:51] The next step is actually pretty easy as well.
[00:26:53] You've identified the fact that you shut down.
[00:26:55] The next step that you're going to do is not shut down.
[00:26:59] Not mentally shut down.
[00:27:00] That's what you want to do.
[00:27:01] If you start to shut down and you feel yourself freezing up, say, I'm not going to shut
[00:27:06] down right now.
[00:27:07] I'm going to attack this issue.
[00:27:08] Now, the reason that you're getting overwhelmed most likely is because there's a lot
[00:27:14] of different things flying at you at the same time and they're all happening at once.
[00:27:18] And it's problematic for you.
[00:27:20] We have a very simple solution for that.
[00:27:21] It's prioritizing execute.
[00:27:23] So what is the biggest problem that you've got going on?
[00:27:25] Let's identify what that biggest problem is.
[00:27:27] Then let's attack that problem and get it solved.
[00:27:29] Once we got that one solved, we can move on to the next one.
[00:27:31] Once we get to take care of that one, we can move on to the next one.
[00:27:34] We go right on down the line.
[00:27:36] That's what we do.
[00:27:39] That's very simple.
[00:27:40] You know that you're going to get overwhelmed.
[00:27:43] First of all, tell yourself you're not going to go overwhelmed.
[00:27:46] Then you actually don't get overwhelmed.
[00:27:48] And how do you not get overwhelmed?
[00:27:49] You prioritize an execute.
[00:27:53] If you start feeling yourself getting overwhelmed, do what I did to the platoon commander
[00:27:59] that I had that was getting all freaked out during a humv, I had just immediate action drills
[00:28:08] where you're patrolling through the desert.
[00:28:10] And we have electrical targets that pop up and then you, everyone starts shooting at the
[00:28:15] targets.
[00:28:16] And this guy was locking up and not making any decisions even though he's the leader.
[00:28:22] And this is the one where I took a magic marker and I wrote on this Sharpie right in front
[00:28:25] of his face on the humv window.
[00:28:27] I said, next time the shooting starts, here's what I want you to do.
[00:28:31] Number one, relax.
[00:28:34] Number two, look around.
[00:28:35] Number three, make a call.
[00:28:37] It's really easy.
[00:28:38] So step number one when you're getting overwhelmed, relax.
[00:28:42] Relax.
[00:28:43] Breathe, take a step back.
[00:28:45] Just take a step back.
[00:28:47] The red flags start going off in your head and you're realizing that you're getting overwhelmed
[00:28:52] and you're going to get shut down.
[00:28:54] No.
[00:28:55] Take a step back, relax.
[00:29:00] And then prioritize next Q pretty simple.
[00:29:04] Make a call.
[00:29:05] Yeah.
[00:29:06] Yeah, it's good.
[00:29:07] Simple.
[00:29:08] Next question.
[00:29:09] Let's do it.
[00:29:13] What technique do you use to not lose your temper with your life?
[00:29:18] Oh, when you know she's wrong and refuses to budge, well this is kind of a, this question
[00:29:24] is actually moved because my life is never wrong.
[00:29:30] So number one, losing your temper.
[00:29:32] Losing your temper is weak.
[00:29:37] It's actually weak.
[00:29:38] It's actually weak to lose your temper.
[00:29:40] It actually is a loss of control when you lose your temper and losing control was also
[00:29:47] weak.
[00:29:49] So we don't want to lose our temper.
[00:29:51] That's one of our goals.
[00:29:53] So again, just like prioritize next Q, what do you do?
[00:29:56] You start feeling yourself losing your temper.
[00:29:58] Stop.
[00:29:59] Take a step back to attach from it, breathe.
[00:30:03] And then you've got to think about the long term victory.
[00:30:07] And we've talked about this before.
[00:30:09] We've talked about this before.
[00:30:11] Proving that you're right to your wife is not necessarily the best goal to have.
[00:30:20] What you want to do is you want to.
[00:30:22] You want to win the war.
[00:30:25] Not that one battle, but one battle doesn't even matter.
[00:30:29] I mean, what is this stupid argument about anyways?
[00:30:33] It's not about something that matters.
[00:30:35] It isn't.
[00:30:36] I can almost guarantee it's not about something that matters.
[00:30:38] It's about some random thing that doesn't matter in the big picture at all.
[00:30:44] So why are you getting upset about it?
[00:30:48] Why are you losing control?
[00:30:49] Why are you losing your temper?
[00:30:50] You can't do that.
[00:30:52] You can't do that.
[00:30:54] So when you feel like you're coming up against the, this is Sun Siu.
[00:30:59] You're going against a heavily defended position.
[00:31:01] Don't attack the heavily defended position.
[00:31:04] If your wife is not admitting that she's wrong, she's refusing to budge.
[00:31:07] What are you doing?
[00:31:08] What are you attacking?
[00:31:10] You're actually attacking a heavily defended position.
[00:31:13] Sun Siu told you not to do that.
[00:31:14] 2,500 years ago and it holds two to this day.
[00:31:18] So what are you going to do when they're not budging?
[00:31:20] You're going to flank them.
[00:31:23] You're going to flank them.
[00:31:25] You're going to move around to the outside and come in from another angle that they weren't
[00:31:29] expecting.
[00:31:32] You know, maybe that other angle looks like flowers.
[00:31:36] Maybe the other angle looks like dinner.
[00:31:38] Maybe it looks like maybe it just looks like change in the subject to something that they
[00:31:41] can be more flexible mentally on.
[00:31:48] Because if you go against that hardened position, I can almost guarantee you it's not
[00:31:55] going to, they're not going to budge on it.
[00:31:57] And all you, what you're going to do to try and get them to budges, you're going to escalate
[00:32:02] yourself.
[00:32:03] Oh, you're not budging.
[00:32:04] They hit it harder.
[00:32:05] Oh, you're still not budging them, but they go even harder.
[00:32:07] You're still not budging them, you're going to go even harder.
[00:32:09] There are that whole time every time you're going harder, they're digging into defenses
[00:32:11] in deeper deeper deeper.
[00:32:14] And they're remembering how, how mean you are or whatever, especially if you're in a
[00:32:19] last-temperature situation.
[00:32:21] Oh, yeah.
[00:32:22] Now you're now you're taking serious detriment to your long-term war.
[00:32:25] Yeah.
[00:32:26] Because now you've given them ammunition.
[00:32:29] You've given them ammunition for future use.
[00:32:31] Bad move.
[00:32:32] It's a bad move.
[00:32:34] So again, what isn't, what, who's right and who's wrong is just not important.
[00:32:43] It's a lot to get through people's head.
[00:32:45] Who's right and who's wrong on some little tactical battle of today that really has no
[00:32:50] bearing on anything in the world.
[00:32:51] This is not something to be concerned about.
[00:32:55] So it might be your own ego that wants to be right.
[00:32:59] Have we thought about that factor?
[00:33:01] Have we thought about that?
[00:33:02] You as a man, as a husband, you want to be right to.
[00:33:08] So guess who the person that isn't budged?
[00:33:10] Guess who the person that does is and budging is.
[00:33:12] It's you.
[00:33:14] It's you.
[00:33:15] Now you might be quote unquote right, but it doesn't matter you're the person that won't
[00:33:20] budge.
[00:33:21] Now neither one of you will budge.
[00:33:22] Neither one of you will budge.
[00:33:24] We're not in a good situation.
[00:33:26] We're just in an escalating war of destruction.
[00:33:31] And we don't want that.
[00:33:32] Because we want to win the long-term strategic war.
[00:33:35] That's what we're looking at.
[00:33:37] Just the long-term strategic war.
[00:33:39] The little stuff in between, we did not concern about.
[00:33:42] Yeah.
[00:33:43] Yeah, fully.
[00:33:44] And the whole not budging thing too.
[00:33:47] Like that hurts.
[00:33:48] And I used to think about this early on in my relationship where I would get, we'd get in
[00:33:53] a little arguments or whatever, varying levels.
[00:33:58] And sometimes she would like, what, can you even come up with an example of something
[00:34:04] you'd argue about?
[00:34:05] Because as I was trying to think as I was sitting here as I was answering this question,
[00:34:08] I was trying to think of a good example.
[00:34:09] I can't even think of a good example.
[00:34:11] Yeah.
[00:34:12] Because they're all so stupid.
[00:34:13] Yeah.
[00:34:14] So yeah, a good example.
[00:34:15] No.
[00:34:16] Yeah.
[00:34:17] That's hard.
[00:34:18] Not really.
[00:34:21] But so she would be like, oh, I just don't want to talk about it anymore.
[00:34:26] But meanwhile, I'm still salty.
[00:34:28] Like, hey, we didn't resolve this.
[00:34:31] You know, there's certain code words.
[00:34:33] Like I thought, like a safe word.
[00:34:36] That girls that women, that guys have a two, but in particular, I've noticed it with
[00:34:39] some of my friends' wives.
[00:34:42] And one of my wives, she'll say, doesn't, it doesn't matter.
[00:34:46] What do you mean, buzzword?
[00:34:47] Like a code word.
[00:34:48] No, it's a safe word.
[00:34:49] It's a red flag.
[00:34:50] So it'll just be a, it'll be a giant red flag that she's, that she's angry.
[00:34:57] She doesn't, nothing I say is going to matter anymore.
[00:35:00] She's not going to change your mind.
[00:35:01] And she's just going to go forward.
[00:35:02] And she'll be like, oh, it doesn't matter.
[00:35:04] I'm like, oh, okay.
[00:35:05] We're, morning.
[00:35:07] Yeah.
[00:35:08] They gage his angry.
[00:35:10] That's what it means.
[00:35:11] So when I hear her say, doesn't matter, I just realize, okay, I'm, now I just
[00:35:15] hit a, a heavily defended position.
[00:35:18] And I'm going to stop attacking it.
[00:35:20] I'm going to flank.
[00:35:21] I'm going to talk about something else.
[00:35:23] I'm coming in from the side hatch.
[00:35:25] That's what I'm going to do.
[00:35:26] Yeah.
[00:35:27] Yeah, man, I wish I would have known that long time ago.
[00:35:31] I think that when, wait, what did you just say that your wife said to you, because you
[00:35:35] just said a code word?
[00:35:36] I mean, uh, up.
[00:35:38] I don't want to talk about it.
[00:35:39] I don't want to go.
[00:35:40] There's another one.
[00:35:41] Yeah.
[00:35:42] I want to talk about the sets that's a red flag.
[00:35:43] Well, in my mind, it was like, yeah, let's talk about it.
[00:35:45] I, I try it would try to do it in a conducive way, like, you know, like, a problem solving
[00:35:50] kind of way.
[00:35:51] But she just didn't feel the same way about the whole situation.
[00:35:54] You know, she handles it different.
[00:35:56] And, you know, ultimately, I still feel like if two people are willing to talk it out
[00:36:00] kind of without too much emotion, I think that's an effective way to do it.
[00:36:04] But nonetheless, what this would cause is, and this is going back to people not
[00:36:08] a budget.
[00:36:09] So what that would cause is all this time that would go on that we're not on good terms,
[00:36:14] you know, because I want to talk about, she doesn't want to talk about it.
[00:36:17] She just wants to, I don't know, go to bed, you know, meanwhile, I am with the philosophy
[00:36:20] of don't go to bed in an argument or whatever, you know.
[00:36:23] But meanwhile, we're at odds, even just a little bit.
[00:36:27] Even if we don't talk about it, she forgets about it.
[00:36:28] I'm still at odds.
[00:36:29] I'm not budging with my philosophy, you know.
[00:36:32] So at the end of the day, when you look back at all the minutes, all the hours, all
[00:36:37] the days that you've spent with each other, and now you have that, that, that some of
[00:36:46] of moments that you're at odds, you look at your relationship, you're like, man, this
[00:36:50] relationship isn't that good, because you spent that much time at odds with each other.
[00:36:55] Yeah, just because you didn't want to get in touch.
[00:36:57] Yes.
[00:36:58] So you got a bunch.
[00:37:00] You got a bunch.
[00:37:01] One of my buddies, I was hanging around having this wife and her little buzzword, where
[00:37:06] I was like, oh, I picked up on it pretty quickly.
[00:37:09] She would say, that's fine.
[00:37:10] It's a con.
[00:37:12] And I was like, hey, first, you know, first couple of times, I was like, oh, it's fine
[00:37:16] with her.
[00:37:17] And then I realized that there's nothing that's fine.
[00:37:19] I think that's kind of a common knowledge, what, what?
[00:37:23] What girls?
[00:37:24] You could just let that up.
[00:37:25] Like, no matter, that's fine.
[00:37:28] Whatever.
[00:37:29] Well, whatever is offensive, though.
[00:37:30] Oh, yeah.
[00:37:31] And they know if they say whatever, then that means that's fighting words.
[00:37:34] Because if you'll notice, that's fine.
[00:37:37] And it doesn't matter.
[00:37:39] They are all, they are all, like, sort of passive.
[00:37:45] Yeah.
[00:37:46] The way of saying, like, oh, let's just move on.
[00:37:48] Yeah.
[00:37:49] I don't want to talk about it.
[00:37:50] That one's a borderline.
[00:37:51] Yeah.
[00:37:52] Or it's like, or it's like one of the, I don't know.
[00:37:54] So what's good is when you detach from these situations, you start to pick up on
[00:37:59] these things that you're significant other.
[00:38:02] And also, there's, when you're in a relationship, you're in a team building, in
[00:38:05] a team environment, or you're in a business, you start to realize that guys or people
[00:38:09] you work with will have the same thing.
[00:38:11] Yeah.
[00:38:12] Well, let's say, you know what it's your call.
[00:38:14] Okay.
[00:38:15] I know it's my call, but I'm not trying to impose this plan on you.
[00:38:20] Let's figure it out.
[00:38:21] No, it's your call.
[00:38:22] We'll go ahead.
[00:38:23] Yeah.
[00:38:24] So that means you clearly don't agree with it.
[00:38:25] And of course, you can't say this to him, because they're already dug in on the fact
[00:38:27] that you're, you know, that you're wrong.
[00:38:29] Yeah.
[00:38:30] So those are little red flags.
[00:38:31] You got to look out for it in the world.
[00:38:33] Yeah.
[00:38:34] And that's back.
[00:38:35] And that's fun.
[00:38:37] And even that's a complex thing, because you know when someone says, fine, you know,
[00:38:43] what's wrong, what's wrong, nothing, right?
[00:38:45] Oh, you know, or you have reason to believe that it's not fine, especially the
[00:38:50] find or that's fine.
[00:38:53] You have good reason to believe that it's not fine.
[00:38:55] Right.
[00:38:56] So you're not fine.
[00:39:00] It's logical to think, hey, you shouldn't say you're fine when you're not fine.
[00:39:02] You actively chose to say you're fine when you're not fine, factually.
[00:39:07] So it's easy to come to that logical conclusion.
[00:39:09] Yeah.
[00:39:10] But there's your problem.
[00:39:11] Right.
[00:39:12] Logical.
[00:39:13] I'm just, you know, it's just, it's not that simple.
[00:39:15] It's not that black and white.
[00:39:16] So I'm saying this because I kind of, up until really recently, I thought that, hey,
[00:39:22] look, I'm not really wrong with this thing.
[00:39:24] I ask you a very specific question.
[00:39:27] If you're saying you're fine, it's like, it doesn't even matter what you say.
[00:39:32] I have to read like your mind or your body language and like everything, you know?
[00:39:37] And disregard your words.
[00:39:39] And only under these circumstances, not when you, when I say, hey, do you need, I don't
[00:39:45] know milk from the store, you say no, I know you mean, yeah, you know, it doesn't work
[00:39:49] like that.
[00:39:50] It's only under the circumstance.
[00:39:52] So it's like, and thinking, hey, man, that's kind of, that's not very good.
[00:39:55] That's a bad thing and habit to get in.
[00:39:58] So if you're not fine, you should say, you're not fine.
[00:40:00] That's my logic is what I'm saying.
[00:40:01] But here's the thing.
[00:40:02] When you're in a relationship with someone and it starts, I understand it starts at the
[00:40:05] beginning where you're trying to figure all this stuff out.
[00:40:07] That's what the beginning of the relationship for.
[00:40:09] But after a while, you start to know, okay, I know that tone.
[00:40:12] I know when you say fine, it's not fine.
[00:40:14] What the thing that's jacked up is when people don't realize that.
[00:40:18] That's a code word that means something else.
[00:40:22] Right.
[00:40:23] What you're signifying is you are coming up against a heavily defended area.
[00:40:27] I'm not changing my mind, but I'm not going to sit here and argue about it.
[00:40:31] So you know what, doesn't matter is what my wife would say.
[00:40:34] Yeah.
[00:40:35] Oh, it doesn't matter.
[00:40:36] Pro men, win matters.
[00:40:38] When, when Sarah would say, I don't want to argue, I don't want to argue about this.
[00:40:43] It's, it's fine.
[00:40:44] Let's not talk about it.
[00:40:45] That would encourage me for further.
[00:40:47] But not like, I'm not a loose temper, kind of whatever, but it would frustrate you.
[00:40:51] It would make me, well, I'd be like, no, we have to go to, it's like, you know, if you
[00:40:54] have like, fucking, like a splinter, like you have a splinter in your hand or something,
[00:41:02] not talking about it is like, I just leave it.
[00:41:04] Let the skin grow over it and you'll be fine.
[00:41:07] And the thing is, you probably will be fine.
[00:41:08] But he's still got that splinter in there.
[00:41:10] Me, I'm like, okay, let's talk about this.
[00:41:12] Open it up and get the splinter out.
[00:41:16] But she's like, no, you know, I can't always recommend ripping that splinter out.
[00:41:21] Yeah, and sometimes the, again, you're going up against a hard defensive area.
[00:41:28] That's what we're talking about here.
[00:41:29] That's the question is, the question is, how do you, not lose your temper with your wife
[00:41:33] when you know she's wrong and she refused to punch you.
[00:41:35] No, you don't do it.
[00:41:37] You know how you maintain your temper.
[00:41:39] You realize that you're in a strategic situation where you're just going to win strategically.
[00:41:45] You're going to outsmart.
[00:41:47] You're going to outmaneuver.
[00:41:48] You're going to outmanipulate.
[00:41:50] I'm sorry.
[00:41:51] You're going to manipulate this situation.
[00:41:53] That's what you're going to do.
[00:41:55] And you're going to make her think, you know what, man, I was kind of a chair class night
[00:42:00] to my wonderful husband.
[00:42:02] Yeah.
[00:42:03] That's what we're going to have.
[00:42:05] Yeah, you got to do it in this genuine way.
[00:42:07] You know, of course you got to do it in real genuine and open and warm.
[00:42:12] And once I attack you when you're in that state, you know, so that's what you do to me my
[00:42:17] wife.
[00:42:18] No, I'm telling you, maybe if you switch all of a sudden and she's like, hey, this is
[00:42:24] the trick.
[00:42:25] But if you're like, if you put it on, you're just disarming them.
[00:42:29] Right.
[00:42:30] Yes, exactly.
[00:42:31] You disarming them.
[00:42:32] But man, it's hard to do when you lose your temper.
[00:42:33] I answered a question the other day, I was out in a van and I answered a question.
[00:42:36] I was like, listen, do not take marriage advice for me.
[00:42:40] Because the question, well, it's a long story, but the question was about, you know,
[00:42:47] how do you do your job when you have all this pressure and how do you maintain your family?
[00:42:52] And I kind of went through the story of like, hey, you know, my family came second.
[00:42:57] And that's really hard for people to understand.
[00:42:59] And I went through the whole thing.
[00:43:00] And that's what I've got to the end.
[00:43:01] And I said, listen, don't take marriage advice for me.
[00:43:05] And they've kind of laughed.
[00:43:06] But in a situation like this.
[00:43:10] I actually take marriage advice for me.
[00:43:12] Right.
[00:43:13] Yeah.
[00:43:14] Don't attack defended positions.
[00:43:15] I've said that 47 times right now.
[00:43:16] Yeah.
[00:43:17] And it's not to say that you've never attacked defended.
[00:43:20] I don't know if you ever have it with your life.
[00:43:23] But I'm just saying that sounds like good objective advice.
[00:43:27] Yeah.
[00:43:28] I don't, I probably haven't done that in so long.
[00:43:30] It's like, the tickling, we got to ask on the podcast.
[00:43:34] When was the, we got to ask this on the podcast?
[00:43:36] When is the last time that you were dug in on a position?
[00:43:39] How did you admit that you were wrong?
[00:43:41] And I was like, man, I haven't been dug in on a position in years.
[00:43:44] I don't even remember.
[00:43:45] Yeah.
[00:43:46] So it's the same thing here.
[00:43:47] One of why it's hack my wife in a defended position.
[00:43:50] Something that she's super crazy and passionate about.
[00:43:52] I'm not going near that thing.
[00:43:54] Yeah.
[00:43:55] Yeah.
[00:43:56] The losing your temper thing too.
[00:43:57] And I had learned, and I mentioned this before, where I learned about just getting
[00:44:01] mad in general from this book called Mind Games.
[00:44:04] You've seen teeny tiny little book.
[00:44:05] One chapter was not even one page.
[00:44:07] And you're first review on the podcast.
[00:44:10] You can be the reviewer.
[00:44:11] Mind games.
[00:44:12] Some of them were like puzzles, you know, to see how your mind works.
[00:44:16] Anyway, but what it did was indicate that was your playing coin fall.
[00:44:19] That was fun.
[00:44:20] Yeah.
[00:44:21] No, that's price is right.
[00:44:24] Anyway, what it indicated was that losing your temper or having anger issues, anger
[00:44:30] management issues, is what it was, it was a result of low self esteem.
[00:44:35] So exactly right.
[00:44:37] And that's how I always felt when you, you know, in elementary school and to me
[00:44:40] in school when you talk about self esteem or whatever, and slow self esteem, high self
[00:44:44] stuff.
[00:44:45] I'm being like man, that's so embarrassing to have low self esteem.
[00:44:47] It was like almost like a pride thing, you know, where I would even if I really felt
[00:44:52] like doing something or whatever, if it indicated, overtly that I had a low self esteem,
[00:44:57] if I didn't, I wouldn't do it.
[00:44:58] It was like really, like do you think that paranoia was caused by a low self esteem?
[00:45:02] In a way, probably because it's like the, you know, this feels switcheru.
[00:45:07] But so now I took that like times two where it said, look, everyone gets angry.
[00:45:14] It's a natural part of life, but if you have anger management issues, it is most likely
[00:45:19] from the low self esteem.
[00:45:20] So I took that as if I ever get angry, that's low self esteem.
[00:45:23] So man, now it'd be on my mind every single time.
[00:45:25] Where anytime I felt myself getting mad or being like, nope, I don't know low self esteem.
[00:45:29] So what that did though is train me and never to lose my temper.
[00:45:32] That's what I felt like.
[00:45:33] I felt like the back.
[00:45:34] I think that's the back, but but anyways, I think that's kind of the thing to check though.
[00:45:40] You know, where?
[00:45:41] Yeah, you're losing your temper all that's just like man, what's up with you?
[00:45:45] You're losing your temper.
[00:45:46] Don't lose your temper.
[00:45:47] That's for sure.
[00:45:49] Hey, you know, that splinter analogy, I gave you a man.
[00:45:53] Bro, I'm telling you, okay, so this one time, and it wasn't me who's Jake.
[00:45:56] He had a splinter, we're young.
[00:45:58] He had a splinter in his hand.
[00:45:59] We were like young, young, like, like five.
[00:46:03] I know this because we're living in the specific house that I remember.
[00:46:05] Anyway, he did tell us about that.
[00:46:07] Anyway, he had a splinter and it was deep.
[00:46:10] So my mom was like, hey, we got to get it out.
[00:46:12] We got to, you know, use a like a tweezers or something.
[00:46:15] He's like, no, no, no, no, he put up this full on what he called it, like a pardon defense.
[00:46:20] We're not getting that splinter out because he's crying, he's scared, you know, all this stuff.
[00:46:25] So my mom did was, all right, you know, let's don't take out the splinter.
[00:46:27] What he did was wait for him to go to sleep.
[00:46:30] You know, you just take out the splinter, it may or may not hurt for like a second, but it's out.
[00:46:34] Who cares?
[00:46:35] Wait, waited for him to go sleep, like a little nap.
[00:46:39] She goes in their gently, just sticks it out.
[00:46:41] Boom, problem solved.
[00:46:43] Splinter.
[00:46:44] Basically mama Charles.
[00:46:45] Flank them.
[00:46:45] She flanked him.
[00:46:46] Totally flanked them then.
[00:46:49] Good job, mom.
[00:46:51] Props to, props to mama Charles.
[00:46:54] Next best.
[00:46:55] Yes, please.
[00:46:56] Good Lord.
[00:46:57] How do you balance loyalty to your workmates and a personal sense of honor with self-interest
[00:47:05] when it comes to career progression?
[00:47:07] So this question has is giving the impression that that being loyal to your bros and
[00:47:16] being loyal to your workmates and having pride is the opposite of career progression, which
[00:47:26] is actually, I understand where that is coming from, but it's actually does not have to be true.
[00:47:32] It does not have to be the way you think.
[00:47:35] The way you get around this is number one, you work hard.
[00:47:38] That's what you do, you work hard.
[00:47:39] And you do a good job, not for promotion, not for self-interest, but to help the team
[00:47:49] accomplish the goal.
[00:47:50] That's what you should be working hard for.
[00:47:51] That's what you should be doing a good job for.
[00:47:55] And this is something I've said a bunch of times over the years.
[00:47:58] I don't know if I've ever said it on the podcast before, but I should tell my guys, because
[00:48:03] we'd be in some long term administrative, psychological warfare in our community, in the
[00:48:11] seal teams or in our organization.
[00:48:14] And I'd say, look, if we're doing the right thing for the right reason, we're going to
[00:48:18] win in the end.
[00:48:20] And I totally believe that to be true.
[00:48:22] Now for instance, I never really cared about break or being promoted.
[00:48:29] Now that being said, I actually did put in an officer package so that I could become an
[00:48:37] officer.
[00:48:38] Now why did I do that?
[00:48:39] I didn't do that out of greed or out of hunger for power.
[00:48:44] I did it because I had worked for a prior and listed officer and he made our lives really
[00:48:48] good because he was a really good leader.
[00:48:50] And I said, you know what?
[00:48:51] I'd like to make a bunch of the guys that I know, make 16 guys in a seal between make
[00:48:56] their lives better.
[00:48:57] Maybe I can do that.
[00:48:59] So that's sort of what led me to do it.
[00:49:01] I didn't do it out of out of self-interest and greed.
[00:49:06] I did it to help my bros.
[00:49:09] Now that then once I got promoted, once I became an officer, then I just busted my ass to
[00:49:16] do the best job I could.
[00:49:17] And again, I was never concerned with being promoted, but in order to do a good job,
[00:49:24] guess what I did?
[00:49:25] I built relationships.
[00:49:27] I took some hard jobs.
[00:49:28] I followed the rules.
[00:49:31] I supported the chain of command.
[00:49:32] I told the party line.
[00:49:34] Why did I do those things?
[00:49:35] Wasn't because I was trying to get promoted because I was trying to do a good job.
[00:49:38] And the more relationships I had and the more respect I had from the chain of command,
[00:49:44] the more power I had to help my guys.
[00:49:46] It wasn't about power for me.
[00:49:48] It was about power for the good of the platoon.
[00:49:50] So I could accomplish it.
[00:49:52] And I knew that I believed in the broad mission that we are doing.
[00:49:57] I knew that good order and discipline actually makes troops perform better.
[00:50:02] I knew that.
[00:50:04] And I knew that by following the rules, by supporting the chain of command, I knew that
[00:50:13] towing the part, I knew that those things would build trust in the chain of command.
[00:50:20] And I knew that building trust in the chain of command and being viewed positively from
[00:50:25] up the chain of command meant that I would get more support from the chain of command.
[00:50:31] Which once again, would make it easier for my guys to do their job.
[00:50:37] Because I could get a more gear.
[00:50:38] I could get them.
[00:50:39] And I said they needed, I could actually legitimately protest if something came down the
[00:50:45] pipe that I didn't agree with.
[00:50:48] If I didn't have trust and had build a relationship with my senior officers, how could
[00:50:54] I go back to my say, I don't think we should be doing this.
[00:50:56] They don't know me.
[00:50:57] They don't trust me.
[00:50:58] But when you build that trust, then you can have a more open and honest conversation.
[00:51:02] Which again is only done so that my platoon can have it easier life.
[00:51:08] So they could do their job better because I believed in the mission.
[00:51:14] So everything that I was doing that I was doing to make my platoon have a better go at things.
[00:51:23] Make my platoon more efficient.
[00:51:25] Make my platoon more effective on the battlefield.
[00:51:27] All those things that I was doing, I was doing to make that.
[00:51:32] And low and behold, when you're doing those things, when you're busting your ass, when
[00:51:36] you're trying to make life good for your platoon, so that platoon can more effectively and
[00:51:41] efficiently accomplish its mission on the battlefield, well, guess what?
[00:51:46] Those are aligned with a guy that's working hard in the supporting chain of command.
[00:51:51] So I would get rank number one.
[00:51:53] Why?
[00:51:54] Not because I was trying to get promoted and not for self interest.
[00:51:57] It's because I was trying to do a good job from my boys.
[00:52:03] So the bottom line is if you care about doing a good job and the doing things that will
[00:52:15] help you do a good job, again, not for promotion and not for recognition, but to truly
[00:52:20] do a good job, the end result is most likely going to be positive.
[00:52:28] Now the caveat to this is, does that mean that you'll be the first person to get promoted?
[00:52:33] No.
[00:52:35] Does it mean that you are guaranteed to get promoted?
[00:52:38] No.
[00:52:40] Some other guy that Brown knows and took all the credit he didn't deserve and stepped on
[00:52:44] of people is back to get to the top.
[00:52:48] He's probably going to get promoted ahead of you.
[00:52:50] He probably is.
[00:52:51] It's okay.
[00:52:53] It's okay.
[00:52:54] I will tell you that that will come back to Hauntim.
[00:52:57] Eventually, maybe not this year, maybe not next year, maybe in five years, people are
[00:53:02] going to see through that eventually.
[00:53:04] And you who's doing the right things for the right reasons, you will win in the end.
[00:53:15] Yeah, and talk about this a lot where if you're doing it just to get the promotion, but
[00:53:21] that's they're going to see that.
[00:53:23] They're going to smell it.
[00:53:24] Yeah.
[00:53:25] And not only is the boss going to smell it on you.
[00:53:28] I talked about that earlier tonight because if you were going to, if you've
[00:53:31] fallen, like if you've fallen tiered to be the admiral's aid, then that was a total red flag.
[00:53:38] Watch out for this guy.
[00:53:39] Yeah, I see what you do.
[00:53:40] Yeah, you don't want to be that guy.
[00:53:42] You want to be doing the right things for the right reasons.
[00:53:45] And that is how even in the long run you will get the recognition and the promotions
[00:53:52] and the credit that you deserve because why wouldn't you?
[00:53:55] You're a bus and you're asked to do a great job.
[00:53:57] You're going to get, you're going to shine eventually.
[00:53:59] Yeah, man, and if you're focused on doing the best job you can do, that's really the dynamics
[00:54:05] of promotions anyway.
[00:54:07] Yeah, it, it, or should be ideal.
[00:54:09] It should be ideal.
[00:54:10] And over time, it will be because there is somebody that Brown knows is the boss, that
[00:54:18] maneuvers to take these little missions or to do things to get the recognition that
[00:54:23] he's there's a guy that's doing that.
[00:54:26] And they can't get promoted.
[00:54:28] And you got to accept that and not succumb to it, not submit to it.
[00:54:33] Because you don't want to be that guy.
[00:54:34] And the long run, the guy that buss his ass that takes care of his troops that toes the
[00:54:38] party line that does the right things for the right reasons is going to win in the end.
[00:54:42] Yeah.
[00:54:43] You got to believe in that.
[00:54:44] Yeah, man, you know, guys do that in Jiu Jitsu, right sometimes.
[00:54:47] No, we talk about that too.
[00:54:48] Where they do.
[00:54:49] They have the wrong mindset.
[00:54:50] They just want that purple belt.
[00:54:51] So that brown belt.
[00:54:52] Whatever.
[00:54:53] Yeah, they want the next belt.
[00:54:54] Well, I want to tap that guy or I want to tap this guy.
[00:54:57] Yeah, those are the wrong reasons.
[00:54:58] Folks, yeah, and if you notice, the guys who are just in it to be the best that they
[00:55:05] can be, you see them asking questions or going over some stuff on their own kind of thing,
[00:55:10] where they do, they just want to learn as much as they can and get good as much as they
[00:55:13] can.
[00:55:14] And in the long run, those are going to be the guys that shine.
[00:55:18] Yeah.
[00:55:19] And then I think that's it's such a huge deal.
[00:55:24] And it goes for Jiu Jitsu or even at work or whatever.
[00:55:27] And if you're the guy who they can see what you're doing and you're kissing ass or
[00:55:33] like the guy, okay, this is one of the most embarrassing things you can do in my opinion,
[00:55:37] in Jiu Jitsu is after a promotion, you didn't get promoted and then you're overtly unhappy
[00:55:44] about it.
[00:55:45] And don't go one step further and say something about, I tapped that guy all the time.
[00:55:50] And he got his belt.
[00:55:52] Ooh, don't ever do it.
[00:55:53] Don't do it.
[00:55:54] Yeah, don't say it.
[00:55:55] Don't do it.
[00:55:56] Yeah.
[00:55:57] Don't think you can ever really live that down.
[00:56:00] Just unnecessary.
[00:56:01] It just shows, hey guys, look at me.
[00:56:04] I'm focused on the wrong thing.
[00:56:06] I'm focused on like wearing a belt rather than my skill.
[00:56:10] You know, I'd rather get a belt and maybe not have the skill.
[00:56:14] I'd rather that than have the skill and maybe not have the belt right now.
[00:56:19] That's what you're saying.
[00:56:20] Oh, yeah.
[00:56:21] Yeah.
[00:56:22] Yeah.
[00:56:23] If you don't have the belt right now, you get the belt.
[00:56:30] You know, that's just part of the, you know what, it could be a long time.
[00:56:37] Yeah.
[00:56:38] And you know what, that's okay.
[00:56:40] Oh, unless you're quiet, they need one.
[00:56:42] Oh, yeah.
[00:56:43] But you won't have the belt.
[00:56:44] But that's the one.
[00:56:45] You've got to also accept the fact that some guys can get promoted at you.
[00:56:48] Good.
[00:56:49] Good thing you good you tapped on before.
[00:56:51] Good.
[00:56:52] That's perfect.
[00:56:53] Keep that up.
[00:56:54] Yeah.
[00:56:55] We're going to get you that belt.
[00:56:56] Yeah, stop whining.
[00:56:57] I heard of a guy who left the gym.
[00:57:00] Yeah.
[00:57:01] Argym.
[00:57:02] Because he didn't get a belt.
[00:57:03] And he was like, oh, I'm just going to go somewhere else.
[00:57:05] Yeah.
[00:57:06] That's too bad.
[00:57:07] Yeah.
[00:57:08] I just heard he was a story.
[00:57:09] I wasn't there enough.
[00:57:11] Anyway.
[00:57:12] Next question.
[00:57:14] Unless we have more on that one.
[00:57:15] No.
[00:57:16] We're good.
[00:57:17] Dead horse has been beaten.
[00:57:19] Yeah.
[00:57:20] Don't be that guy, man.
[00:57:21] Yeah.
[00:57:22] Chaco on team building.
[00:57:25] When leading a team, do you feel that there's any benefit to team building exercises or retreats?
[00:57:34] Well, this is a interesting question that actually I feel unfairly qualified to answer
[00:57:42] because we, we lay for an eye.
[00:57:44] We have a little business called echelon front where that's, we work with a lot of different companies on a different
[00:57:50] side range of different categories.
[00:57:53] Sometimes we go in and work with a business.
[00:57:55] Sometimes we're going to do a keynote speech for a business.
[00:57:58] Like they'll be having a big meeting and we're going to do one keynote speech for an hour
[00:58:04] and we leave and we're done.
[00:58:06] But most of the time we're doing more long range stuff or we spend time with the company
[00:58:11] we go in.
[00:58:12] But oftentimes we do do some kind of situation where their company has decided to do some
[00:58:19] kind of a leadership off-site or a team building exercise or a leadership retreat.
[00:58:25] And we mostly get involved with the leadership although that does sometimes trickle down
[00:58:31] to where we'll do some work with all the front line troops.
[00:58:36] So we constantly see these, these leadership off-sites and we speak and or lead them.
[00:58:43] Sometimes we run the whole thing and there are definitely some outstanding events.
[00:58:48] And we've participated in and led some outstanding events with companies.
[00:58:54] And I think one of the most important things about these off-sites is it forces the leadership
[00:59:00] team to detach from the day to day firefights of what the business is.
[00:59:04] No matter what, there's no businesses where the CEO and the C-suite are like sitting around
[00:59:08] not doing anything.
[00:59:10] Those companies don't exist, at least that I've seen.
[00:59:14] You're trying to expand.
[00:59:15] You're trying to grow.
[00:59:16] You've got competitors making moves.
[00:59:18] So you're in the fight and then you've got operational things that are happening.
[00:59:22] So you're in the fight.
[00:59:23] So when you do these leadership off-sites, it's good that you get them to focus on some
[00:59:27] other development and some whatever issues they're having and areas where they can improve.
[00:59:32] So it gives them the opportunity to focus on those things.
[00:59:36] And also gives them the opportunity to self-assess as a team, how they're doing and themselves
[00:59:45] as leaders, how they're doing.
[00:59:49] And when I talk to people about leadership and teamwork and the shortfalls and the pitfalls
[00:59:55] that exist and then when they hear me talk about it, they recognize their own weaknesses.
[01:00:00] Every time I get done they go, man, when you were talking about, you know, when you were
[01:00:05] talking about ego, sometimes I think I let my ego get in the way or the way when you were
[01:00:09] talking about cover movement, I don't think I, when you're talking about ownership,
[01:00:13] they see areas of their own weaknesses and they see where they can improve.
[01:00:20] And then when you get the whole team that's all learning that same information, they're
[01:00:24] all doing that same self-assessment.
[01:00:27] And then the whole leadership team gets aligned behind the same leadership principles of
[01:00:35] ownership and humility and cover movement.
[01:00:38] Simple decentralized command and all those things that I talk about, that is extremely
[01:00:42] powerful.
[01:00:43] It is extremely powerful.
[01:00:46] And we see really drastic turnaround with the companies that we work with and it's awesome.
[01:00:53] It's awesome to see.
[01:00:55] And then one thing that we do when we work more in depth with the company, we do our
[01:01:00] own leadership offsights where we do simulated combat.
[01:01:05] And I know it sounds, it sounds, if I wouldn't have done it so many times, I would be
[01:01:10] surprised that it's possible.
[01:01:12] But we take either paint guns, paint ball guns or airsoft guns and we teach them the basic
[01:01:19] shooting principles and we teach them some basic small unit tactics.
[01:01:23] And then we go and perform missions.
[01:01:24] We have them perform missions.
[01:01:26] And every time they got eight guys, they got 10 guys, they got 12 guys, girls, whatever
[01:01:30] in their group and they go in a salt attack.
[01:01:34] They come up with a plan.
[01:01:36] They go out.
[01:01:37] We put one person in charge.
[01:01:39] That person has to lead a mission.
[01:01:41] And they what they theorized in the classroom, they now get to put to the test and they
[01:01:49] learn those lessons very, very clearly.
[01:01:52] You know, we'd see a guy that would be a really strong leader.
[01:01:57] And he was, okay, I'm in charge this run.
[01:02:00] Here's what I'm going to do.
[01:02:01] Here's the way the plan is.
[01:02:02] Put down.
[01:02:03] You're going to do this.
[01:02:04] You're going to do this.
[01:02:05] You see that micro management start.
[01:02:06] And then as soon as they start the operation, everyone is expecting to get micro managed.
[01:02:11] So no one's thinking on their own.
[01:02:13] So now you get to decentralize a lack of decentralized command.
[01:02:16] And everything goes sideways and nobody does anything.
[01:02:18] Because I'll be waiting to be told what to do.
[01:02:21] So that's an example of the kind of things that people learn.
[01:02:26] So with all that, yes, absolutely.
[01:02:30] We, you know, I've been to and we run some pretty awesome team building exercises and
[01:02:35] retreats and leadership off sites that are better great.
[01:02:39] And we've seen awesome results from a wall.
[01:02:43] I've also sat through some off sites that are not that effective.
[01:02:50] You know, you get situations where people don't open up or there's no exchange.
[01:02:53] Or you get these team building exercises that some people set up.
[01:02:57] And there's some kind of physical or mental challenge.
[01:03:02] And while they might be hard and they might take some teamwork to perform, they don't break
[01:03:09] the paradigm that the company is in.
[01:03:12] So then when the bleeding through that challenge, or whatever it is, whether it's a,
[01:03:16] some kind of a p-teats, some kind of physical training, or some kind of a boat race, or
[01:03:20] something like that, they'll lead through that challenge the way they always lead the way
[01:03:24] they currently lead.
[01:03:25] So nothing has learned and nothing has gained and no leadership advancement has been made.
[01:03:29] And all they've done is actually, all they've actually done is reinforce the bad leadership
[01:03:35] situation that they already have.
[01:03:38] So that's one of the things that I've seen that can be problematic.
[01:03:44] And that's why we've gone to the direction that we go.
[01:03:47] Where we really focus on, let's look at leadership and the team working together, how what
[01:03:55] the leadership dynamics are, what are weaknesses are, what we see, where we uncover the
[01:03:59] friction, where we see the team not working well together, where we see the leaders not
[01:04:03] stepping up and leading, where we see the leaders' ego is getting away.
[01:04:07] I mean, there's so many things that we uncover and find.
[01:04:10] It's phenomenal and it really does make it fun for us.
[01:04:14] Because every time you see a new leadership team, it's like diagnosing a patient.
[01:04:23] And you look at the problems that they're having, they say, oh, well, you know what?
[01:04:25] Try this over here.
[01:04:27] Like this off a little bit, and the next thing, you've got that patient up and running
[01:04:31] and they're winning.
[01:04:32] We're like a mechanic.
[01:04:34] We grab the car right?
[01:04:35] Yeah.
[01:04:36] Thoughts.
[01:04:37] Yeah, some of those leadership are not leadership necessarily, but these team building
[01:04:41] retreats to sometimes it seems like whoever organized them really wasn't focusing on
[01:04:46] results.
[01:04:47] They were just focusing on our annual retreat.
[01:04:51] So they make it in the Bahamas and all these activities are kind of fun.
[01:04:57] And everyone's an all-infinite, a administrative thing or something.
[01:05:00] Yeah, and fun can be part of it.
[01:05:01] There's bonding that happens.
[01:05:03] There's getting to know each other and that's always positive.
[01:05:07] But if you're, I'm all about having fun.
[01:05:10] I'm all about bonding, but I'm even more about learning.
[01:05:13] I'm even more about improving the people we work with, the guys and girls that we work with.
[01:05:22] I want them to be better of leaders.
[01:05:24] Right.
[01:05:25] That's what I want.
[01:05:26] Yeah, that's what I want.
[01:05:27] So yeah, sure, do I want them to get some team challenges?
[01:05:32] Yes, but like I said, I don't want that just reinforce the paradigm of the third
[01:05:36] already and the leadership paradigm of the third already in.
[01:05:39] I want them to improve.
[01:05:41] So let's actually break down and look and analyze and diagnose what the issues are.
[01:05:50] And then let's solve.
[01:05:51] And you know, it's not always, it's not always that these teams go in and they're, you
[01:05:57] know, we don't get hired by companies that are failing.
[01:06:00] In fact, most of the time, we get hired by companies that are doing well, that want to do
[01:06:04] better.
[01:06:05] So when I say we diagnose what the problem is, it's not a problem where it's causing the
[01:06:13] company to failure, but it's a friction point where it is holding the company back from
[01:06:18] really reaching the best, the next level and going from being a really good company or
[01:06:24] even an outstanding company to the best in class company.
[01:06:28] Gotcha.
[01:06:29] So it's like a multi-vitamin, not a pink killer.
[01:06:33] Yes.
[01:06:34] You know, that's not my another.
[01:06:36] I read that somewhere.
[01:06:38] You know, the micromanaging thing.
[01:06:40] Yes.
[01:06:41] And that's, it's funny because you're the first person that I've heard say that this, where
[01:06:46] you said, those start micromanaging.
[01:06:48] And then all of a sudden, the people getting micromanaged, expect to get micromanaged, so
[01:06:53] they stop thinking, right?
[01:06:54] 100%.
[01:06:55] So yeah, that happens all the way.
[01:06:56] And it goes the other way, too.
[01:06:58] If you come to me and you say, hey, Jockel, how do you want me to do this?
[01:07:01] And I go, figure it out.
[01:07:03] And you say, hey, boss, can you show me how to do this?
[01:07:04] I say, figure it out.
[01:07:06] When we get in the field, you're going to know that I expect you to figure it out.
[01:07:11] Right.
[01:07:12] Yeah, man.
[01:07:13] Like when I, when I drive with my life, she'll start micromanaging like how I drive.
[01:07:18] Like get in this lane or, you know, just, you're going to slow or too fast, whatever,
[01:07:25] too slow typically.
[01:07:26] Yeah, it's cold.
[01:07:27] But here's the thing.
[01:07:28] I'm not going to lose my temper.
[01:07:30] You know, I don't think, yeah, front seat in her case, but yeah, man, for sure.
[01:07:34] And I'm not going to lose my temper, I'll be like, okay, but that's what I do.
[01:07:37] I shut down my brain.
[01:07:39] And then so one time Jada was riding with us and he was, uh, now he was actually
[01:07:44] I was micromanaging Jade.
[01:07:46] And he put it in these good terms, which I thought were good.
[01:07:48] He said either be the navigator, 100% because he stopped thinking, you know, or don't
[01:07:54] be it at all.
[01:07:55] You can't just start chiming in when you think I'm going to slow.
[01:07:58] You know, otherwise, yeah, I don't want to, I'm, if Sarah's yelling at me, hey, you're
[01:08:03] going too slow, I'm going to be like, okay, how fast you want me to go?
[01:08:06] I'll go that fast.
[01:08:07] So if you're navigating on the map, you're going to have to tell me every turn to make.
[01:08:12] Don't say, hey, you're going to make this right.
[01:08:13] And then I make the right thing.
[01:08:14] Just sign off, you know, because you're anticipating the micromanage.
[01:08:18] Exactly right, man.
[01:08:19] And I think it kind of goes automatically, you know, you got to put in a lot of
[01:08:23] methods for where you knew that Sarah never said anything.
[01:08:26] You and you got in the car.
[01:08:27] All me, you know that you had to have the route prepped before you got in the vehicle.
[01:08:30] Well, we might go a little bit too slow, but still, man, what it's all me is first thinking
[01:08:34] goes, yeah, man, don't micromanage.
[01:08:38] Or when you micromanage don't expect them to just all of a sudden start making creative
[01:08:44] decisions.
[01:08:45] It's just hard, it's hard for it to work that way, man.
[01:08:50] All right, next question.
[01:08:52] This is the last one.
[01:08:54] Joko, could you tell us any possible regrets or things you'd done differently?
[01:09:06] Something you'd wished you'd learned sooner?
[01:09:13] That's things I could have done differently, things I wish I learned sooner.
[01:09:23] Of course, there are things I wish I learned sooner.
[01:09:27] There's so much knowledge out there, so much information, so many ways to get better.
[01:09:38] So we make, we make so many mistakes.
[01:09:45] We're the product of our mistakes.
[01:09:48] And oftentimes, the lesson is sitting there right in front of our face.
[01:09:55] It's there to be learned, but we miss it and we don't pay attention to it or we think
[01:09:59] we know better until it punches us in the face.
[01:10:11] And the most important thing to learn is that we have so much to learn.
[01:10:17] We all do.
[01:10:19] And we can learn from school and from people and from experience and we learn from life.
[01:10:30] But you have to process the information.
[01:10:34] You have to absorb it.
[01:10:35] You have to accept it.
[01:10:37] You have to open your mind.
[01:10:40] You've got to free your mind so that you can learn and make real progress.
[01:10:49] And as far as regrets and things I wish I would have done differently, of course.
[01:11:02] Hindsight is 2020 and looking back, of course, who wouldn't want to take another go
[01:11:09] with something and improve on the first try by doing it again.
[01:11:15] And why not do it again and again and again and why not just do it over and over again until
[01:11:22] you have it perfect.
[01:11:28] But the fact is you don't get that chance.
[01:11:35] You get one shot.
[01:11:38] One shot at this gig right here.
[01:11:42] One life.
[01:11:45] That's all you've got.
[01:11:48] And regret.
[01:11:50] And in of itself, it's worthless.
[01:11:56] It does nothing for you.
[01:11:58] In fact, the only valuable thing in regret is the lesson you learned.
[01:12:05] The knowledge that you gained.
[01:12:10] But walking around filled with regret.
[01:12:14] Get you nothing.
[01:12:18] So learn and move on.
[01:12:22] Don't let regret.
[01:12:24] Be chewed down.
[01:12:25] Don't be a slave to regret.
[01:12:27] No.
[01:12:29] Let it teach you.
[01:12:31] Let it make you better.
[01:12:36] Let the fear of regret fuel you to take action today.
[01:12:42] Now to take action now to become a better person.
[01:12:52] Not filled with regret.
[01:12:57] But filled with knowledge.
[01:13:03] And strength and power and filled with life.
[01:13:18] And I think that's all I've got for tonight.
[01:13:25] No regrets.
[01:13:28] Not only knowledge.
[01:13:38] And that's what we are striving for on this podcast to gain knowledge.
[01:13:39] So we can improve ourselves and live better lives.
[01:13:43] Echo, can you just go ahead and drop some knowledge on us right now about how we can
[01:13:48] support this podcast, Chibboha.
[01:13:50] And or improve your life.
[01:13:52] Have a better life.
[01:13:53] Learn ways to supplement your workouts and your brain with on it.
[01:14:00] Supplements.
[01:14:01] Alpha brain, shrimp tech.
[01:14:03] Is it good one?
[01:14:04] Or your bars?
[01:14:05] Crill oil.
[01:14:06] Crill oil.
[01:14:07] For your joints.
[01:14:08] Yeah, it's a big one.
[01:14:09] On it.
[01:14:10] .com slash jockel you get 10% off boom.
[01:14:12] Improve your budget as well.
[01:14:16] And if you want to support the podcast before shopping on Amazon.com before you do that
[01:14:22] shopping go to jockelpodcast.com or jockels.com.
[01:14:26] Put on the Amazon link.
[01:14:28] That's pretty cool.
[01:14:30] You're buying it anyways.
[01:14:31] I know you love Amazon because I love Amazon because it is a squared away system that delivers
[01:14:38] things to your home in hours or days.
[01:14:41] And all you got to do if you want to help us out is you just got to go there.
[01:14:46] Go there.
[01:14:47] Just go to our site first click on it and then boom.
[01:14:49] They're not taking more money from you.
[01:14:51] They're taking their money and giving it to support the jockel podcast which is pretty
[01:15:00] impressive.
[01:15:01] That's much appreciated.
[01:15:03] Yeah, so if you're buying some duct tape or some the key the challenge is remembering
[01:15:07] to go.
[01:15:08] Right.
[01:15:09] The jockelpodcast.com.
[01:15:11] Why would you say duct tape?
[01:15:12] Do you get a lot of duct tape from Amazon?
[01:15:14] No, I've gotten, yeah.
[01:15:17] You always say if you need duct tape man go to Amazon.
[01:15:20] Well I said it once and it kind of stuck duct tape.
[01:15:23] It.
[01:15:24] Anyway, I saw you watch when Guy wrote, actually I still watch when Guy wrote all the
[01:15:28] time.
[01:15:29] That was his thing, that duct tape.
[01:15:30] Yeah.
[01:15:31] Don't go anywhere without it.
[01:15:32] In the military we call it rigor tape.
[01:15:35] Yeah.
[01:15:36] And some people call it 120 mile an hour tape but I never called it that one time.
[01:15:40] But we call it rigor tape.
[01:15:42] Yeah.
[01:15:43] Yeah.
[01:15:44] I got some black rigor tape.
[01:15:47] On the last, if you're getting some or anything on Amazon.com just try if you can just
[01:15:52] remember to go to jockelpodcast.com first.
[01:15:54] Click on the Amazon link in booms, automatic supporting podcast and we thank you for that.
[01:15:59] I think for that jockel thing to do.
[01:16:02] And while you're at jockel store if you like any of the shirts, go ahead grab one or
[01:16:09] a coffee mug or a sticker.
[01:16:11] That's a good way to support.
[01:16:12] This shirt that you're wearing tonight is a little bit new isn't it?
[01:16:16] It's a little new.
[01:16:17] Yes, the newest one.
[01:16:18] It's all looks very dare.
[01:16:19] If you're watching on YouTube.
[01:16:22] If you're not watching on YouTube, the front of the shirt, it's a black on black shirt.
[01:16:27] Yeah.
[01:16:28] And then the black on the front it says, know the darkness.
[01:16:32] You know, actually ironically if you're watching on YouTube, you might not even be able
[01:16:35] to see know the darkness.
[01:16:38] And let's say and I mentioned this before this when we made this one, there's that added
[01:16:42] layer where it's dark.
[01:16:44] The shirt is for you.
[01:16:45] It's not to show everyone.
[01:16:47] Oh, look at me.
[01:16:48] Look at my cool shirt.
[01:16:49] The shirt is for you.
[01:16:50] You know it's there.
[01:16:51] And on the back it's got some madness.
[01:16:52] Some darkness.
[01:16:53] Some dark.
[01:16:54] It's dark.
[01:16:55] Yeah.
[01:16:56] So that's what you do the shirts, right?
[01:17:00] I mean, so this must, what did that?
[01:17:02] Well, like, we've talked about a lot of stuff.
[01:17:05] Why did you, why did you go with the darkness?
[01:17:07] Why did you, why was that important to you?
[01:17:09] Because that was the main theme.
[01:17:11] Remember like when you, when you started it or what?
[01:17:14] Yeah.
[01:17:15] Well, okay.
[01:17:16] When Jockel started the main theme and still is the main theme where it goes into all
[01:17:20] these dark books and concepts.
[01:17:25] And then every time, even Tim Kennedy, when we asked him, oh, or one of the questions was like,
[01:17:30] hey, how do you, you know, reconcile, you know, being happier, anything that when you
[01:17:34] see so much darkness.
[01:17:36] And it actually intensifies your happiness because you can recognize the good stuff.
[01:17:42] So, know the darkness so you can see the light.
[01:17:46] That's kind of the phrase there, right?
[01:17:48] So you can appreciate good things way more when you know bad things.
[01:17:51] And that goes for everything, really.
[01:17:53] So you didn't make a sure that said, be happy.
[01:17:59] The light is with us because you could have made that, I guess.
[01:18:02] Yeah.
[01:18:03] Kind of inconsistent though with the whole feel.
[01:18:06] I mean.
[01:18:08] And the bottom line is if you're surrounded by all the happiness, it starts to fade.
[01:18:12] Right?
[01:18:13] Yeah.
[01:18:14] Yeah.
[01:18:15] Exactly.
[01:18:16] So, will us not make a happy shirt?
[01:18:17] Let's make a dark shirt.
[01:18:18] Yeah.
[01:18:19] Maybe we'll make a happy shirt in the future.
[01:18:21] But I'm saying, for right now, that's where you were feeling.
[01:18:24] That's what it's feeling.
[01:18:25] Yeah.
[01:18:26] I thought it was appropriate.
[01:18:27] I think it came out good, man.
[01:18:29] I dig it.
[01:18:30] There you go.
[01:18:32] Or if you like any of the other ones, just plenty of cool freedom.
[01:18:35] That was a cool one too.
[01:18:36] I think.
[01:18:37] Yeah.
[01:18:37] I don't know what you're at on it.
[01:18:39] Anyway, that you can see on whatever.
[01:18:41] I still haven't seen a live in the wild.
[01:18:46] I haven't seen travel all the time.
[01:18:49] I haven't seen it a trooper yet.
[01:18:51] Just represent.
[01:18:52] Yeah.
[01:18:53] I mean, so, so forward to it.
[01:18:55] Yeah.
[01:18:56] I've never, I've never, I've taken a selfie.
[01:19:00] But I think I might do a selfie.
[01:19:01] If I see a person in the wild trooper out there, just represent in hardcore and
[01:19:07] an airport somewhere, coming straight up, we're gonna do some burpees and then see.
[01:19:11] You know what, yeah, but I've seen them here.
[01:19:16] Yeah, and San Diego.
[01:19:17] But those are our people.
[01:19:18] We know everybody.
[01:19:19] Yeah, but I've seen one where I didn't know.
[01:19:22] I didn't know that, you know, that, like, this guy, that person.
[01:19:27] I knew him.
[01:19:28] I know him.
[01:19:29] But I didn't know he got a shirt and stuff.
[01:19:31] I want to be an Indianapolis, or I want to be in Philadelphia.
[01:19:36] I'd be walking down the street and see some guys as a represent in hardcore.
[01:19:40] Right there in the street.
[01:19:42] That'll be awesome.
[01:19:43] Well, I can attest that with the online stuff I've seen, the people representing, they
[01:19:47] are representing hardcore.
[01:19:49] Yeah.
[01:19:50] Anything else?
[01:19:51] No, that's it.
[01:19:53] If you like it, just grab one if you want.
[01:19:55] Right on.
[01:19:56] Well, as always, if you want to continue this conversation with us, all these questions we
[01:20:04] answered tonight, never from you guys, they're from the troopers.
[01:20:08] They're from you also.
[01:20:09] Thank you for doing that.
[01:20:11] We are on the interwebs on Twitter.
[01:20:15] Echo Charles is at Echo Charles.
[01:20:18] And I am at Jocca Willink.
[01:20:20] We're also on the Facebook and Instagram.
[01:20:23] If you care, that's where we are.
[01:20:28] And we're trying to get better.
[01:20:31] And you can join us there as we seek knowledge together and get after it.
[01:20:41] So until next time, this is Echo and Jocco out.